genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
