Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
