I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
