i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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