I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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