if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
