Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
