I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
