I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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