not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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