we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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