Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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