I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize