I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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