OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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