Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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