ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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