you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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