And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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