Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
