Tell her she can't have a vagina
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize