Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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