I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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