i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
