Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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