somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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