Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
