Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All the doctor said was why
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
