Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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