They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
