Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
