Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
