You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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