Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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