Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
