shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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