he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
