Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
