you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
