were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
