I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
