I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
