Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All the doctor said was why
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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