She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
