so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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