I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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