five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
