very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
