Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
