This house was built for laser tag.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
