as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
did i just pee glitter
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