I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
operation harelip BJ is a go
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
