the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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