Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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