Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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