my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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