I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
