I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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