Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
