If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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