Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
