Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
