I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
