Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
