There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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