You just made me feel so damn special
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
