Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
