She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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