Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
