I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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