hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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