I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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