So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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