Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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